After the disappointing turn out for the Rapture in May, rumours that the Apocalypse would be postponed have proven well-founded.

The Battle of Armageddon was due to occur yesterday in the plains outside Megiddo in Israel, but the confrontation was cancelled because Christ was unable to field a full team and faced disqualification.

Team Antichrist were said to be disappointed by this most recent cancellation, a spokesdemon made the following statement:

Rumour has it that the seven-headed Sirrush is in the reserve squad due to concerns about fitness after a string of wild nights with the Whore of Babylon

“This is the twelfth cancellation in the last century and quite frankly we’re getting a bit fed up. There’s always some excuse, but it always comes down to the fact that their selection criteria are ridiculous and confusing so they can never get a full team together.

We’ve got a great line-up, I mean, we had to put the seven-headed Sirrush in the reserves because the first team is so strong – what has Christ got to match that? Barry Higgins is on Christ’s front line and even Barry’s brother says he’s a wuss.”

Concerns have also been raised about the lack of impartiality in the administration of the competition. A loophole in the rules says that Christ has the authority to judge both the living and the dead, but he is also meant to be captaining one of the teams. This situation has been described as a ‘stitch-up’ and an investigation has been launched.